Pity party on isle 12

How come you can look so great to doctors, friends and family, and still feel so dang crappy?

I guess I am just a little sensitive today. I have been feeling a little depressed, which is totally out of my nature. When I went to the doc the other day he kept stating , well you look great. Then at thanksgiving I hear the same thing. Yes my hair has grown in yes I’m walking and talking. However I am still blind in one eye. I look real funny with the way my blind eye is facing my nose. I can’t eat with out dropping my food off the fork and into my lap or floor, or miss my mouth completely. Then their is this conversation issue.

I tried to have a conversation with my nephew about his new puppy, he is training it to be a diabetic alert dog for himself. During the conversation I felt like a total idiot. Not having the words that should be right their, stumbling on sentences. You could tell by my nephews comments he understood what I was saying and would complete words for me. FRUSTRATING.

I just want my old self back and I am not sure if that will ever be achievable. Even tying this right now my spell checker is in hyper overdrive because I cant even spell words I know, or I can figure out even a close spelling of the word I want to use to get spell check to come up with a suggestion.

The headaches are bothering me so much that would rather take a pain pill then try meditation to get away from the pain.

Ugh and my taste/smell issue. You can not even imagine trying to expand how I perceive taste. My favorite day for food was thanksgiving however now, not so much.

All day today I have been craving food, nothing has even come close to touching my wants for the taste of REAL FOOD. I do t want to just have a salt sweet texture food. I want real taste, where the flavors are layered melded, intense yet subtle flavor.

The other night my aunt wanted to try and understand what my taste was like. I told her to try eating for a complete day with her nose closed with a cloths pen, she might get a small feel for my everyday burden.

My cravings for food can not be achieved, no matter how hard I try. So I guess when I wake up tomorrow I will have to wake up and put one foot at a time through each leg of my BIG GIRL panties and just deal with it.

Until then I’m going to just sit here and complete my pity party.

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About Just Jules

USCG Vet, wife, daughter, recently blimded in one eye from brain surgery, using my passion for 3Gun as my rehab.
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One Response to Pity party on isle 12

  1. I’m so sorry! I hear you!

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