Pity party on isle 12

How come you can look so great to doctors, friends and family, and still feel so dang crappy?

I guess I am just a little sensitive today. I have been feeling a little depressed, which is totally out of my nature. When I went to the doc the other day he kept stating , well you look great. Then at thanksgiving I hear the same thing. Yes my hair has grown in yes I’m walking and talking. However I am still blind in one eye. I look real funny with the way my blind eye is facing my nose. I can’t eat with out dropping my food off the fork and into my lap or floor, or miss my mouth completely. Then their is this conversation issue.

I tried to have a conversation with my nephew about his new puppy, he is training it to be a diabetic alert dog for himself. During the conversation I felt like a total idiot. Not having the words that should be right their, stumbling on sentences. You could tell by my nephews comments he understood what I was saying and would complete words for me. FRUSTRATING.

I just want my old self back and I am not sure if that will ever be achievable. Even tying this right now my spell checker is in hyper overdrive because I cant even spell words I know, or I can figure out even a close spelling of the word I want to use to get spell check to come up with a suggestion.

The headaches are bothering me so much that would rather take a pain pill then try meditation to get away from the pain.

Ugh and my taste/smell issue. You can not even imagine trying to expand how I perceive taste. My favorite day for food was thanksgiving however now, not so much.

All day today I have been craving food, nothing has even come close to touching my wants for the taste of REAL FOOD. I do t want to just have a salt sweet texture food. I want real taste, where the flavors are layered melded, intense yet subtle flavor.

The other night my aunt wanted to try and understand what my taste was like. I told her to try eating for a complete day with her nose closed with a cloths pen, she might get a small feel for my everyday burden.

My cravings for food can not be achieved, no matter how hard I try. So I guess when I wake up tomorrow I will have to wake up and put one foot at a time through each leg of my BIG GIRL panties and just deal with it.

Until then I’m going to just sit here and complete my pity party.


About Just Jules

USCG Vet, wife, daughter, recently blimded in one eye from brain surgery, using my passion for 3Gun as my rehab.
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One Response to Pity party on isle 12

  1. I’m so sorry! I hear you!

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